


And Not Make Dreams Your Master

by magickmoons



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e13 The Devil You Know, First Time, Jack/Daniel Ficathon, M/M, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-30 21:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magickmoons/pseuds/magickmoons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mission to Ne'tu brought feelings back to the surface that Daniel would rather were left buried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Not Make Dreams Your Master

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sid/gifts).



> Written for Sid in JD Ficathon X
> 
> Requirements: 1. first time; 2. s3 or s4  
> Optional Request: (vanilla)bottom!Daniel freaks out; you decide why, and how to resolve it  
> Restriction #1: no kid!fic | Restriction #2: no crossovers
> 
> Title from Rudyard Kipling's _If_

_“Tell me...” Jack’s eyes are dark, intense, filled with something... Daniel can’t look away. “Tell me, and we can be together.”_

_Something is wrong. Jack is so close, almost touching, whispering words Daniel’s been wanting to hear for so long. His breath should be hot against Daniel’s skin; the base is always so... no, Daniel looks around dazedly to see that they’re in Jack’s living room. But weren't they just in his office?_

_“It’s what you want...” Jack’s voice seems to echo in Daniel’s head, the words overlapping and circling. “...what we want.”_

_His arms are heavy. He can’t move, can’t reach out to touch Jack. He wants to demand an explanation, stop Jack from moving in dizzying circles around him, touching this and that, leaning against the stone hearth, hand running across the back of the chair, never touching him._

_Daniel takes a deep breath and the air feels thick; it’s burning in his lungs. It is so hot in here._

_He shakes his head slowly, trying to clear it, trying to think. Something is wrong._

_Hot... Ne'tu._

_“You can have everything you want, Daniel. Just tell me where she sent the boy.” There’s an edge to Jack’s voice now, and the look in his eye - desire - is not for Daniel._

_Not Jack._

_It isn't Jack offering promises of pleasure, of love, of happily ever after, in exchange for the location of Sha're's child. He wouldn't ever do that. Any of it._

_Daniel forces his eyes to focus on what is in front of him. Jack’s face morphs slowly, flickering, into the triumphant visage of Apophis._

Daniel tensed as he woke, but didn't move, momentarily disoriented by the lack of noxious fumes and savage screams until the soft, welcome sounds of the SGC infirmary filtered into his consciousness. He breathed deeply and concentrated on those familiar sounds, trying to dull the memories that kept resurfacing in his dreams.

He squinted at the large clock on the wall and sighed. Not even two hours since he had last checked the time. But it was morning now and he should get up and see how his team was doing, check in with his staff, start the whole post-mission routine. Throwing an arm across his eyes, he gave himself just five more minutes to try to shake off the jarring emotions that this latest mission had dug up from where they had been safely buried. He wasn’t hiding; he was regrouping.

No, he was definitely not hiding. _At least not well,_ he groaned inwardly, as he heard the sound of someone approaching. Boots, so it wasn’t Janet. Maybe it was Sam. He could handle talking to her, probably. It would be easy enough to shift the conversation to how her dad’s recovery was progressing, or how she was handling the aftermath of Jolinar's memories. Or it could be Teal’c. Daniel definitely owed him a thank you for getting them the hell out of that place, and they could commiserate about the screwed up priorities of the Tok'ra.

The footsteps were still heading his way. He could handle Hammond, Siler, even Walter with yet another form to be signed... He’d always thought that M*A*S*H had been overstating the military’s love for useless forms, but in his few years here, he’d filled out more paperwork than in his entire post-graduate career.

And he must still be really tired, he thought as he realized his mind had gone off on another tangent. He refocused on what he had been thinking about, which was what he didn’t want to be thinking about. Or rather who. Or rather... Jack, who was currently standing by the foot of Daniel’s bed, fingers lightly tapping an unconscious beat Daniel’s foot.

“Hey, Daniel, good news. Fraiser sprung us. Apparently, old Aldwin wields a pretty mean healing device, and she couldn't find a single thing worth keeping us here any longer.”

Well, that was one worry he could cross off the list. Before Apophis' had co-opted his sleep, the little rest Daniel had been able to get on Ne’tu was haunted by nightmares of all the complications that could set in with Jack’s leg wound. Infections, sepsis, the impact of combining Ne’tu's toxic environment, Jack’s state of dehydration, and internal bleeding. Jack dying before his eyes, and Daniel being helpless to stop it.

Daniel didn't bother mentioning that he hadn't actually been required to stay the night in the infirmary. The bed here had just seemed a lot closer than quarters. And the fact that Daniel made that judgment just minutes after overhearing Janet tell Jack she wanted him to stay overnight for observation was coincidence.

He had been the only one nearby to hear when Jack was waking after his Blood of Sokar experience. Martouf had been taken to Apophis, and Sam was tending to her father. So, Daniel was the only one who heard the Jack’s plaintive pleas to Charlie. Reason #8,672 to hate Apophis. No, Daniel wasn't having Jack left alone last night.

Ironically, though, Jack had slept peacefully right through the night, and it was Daniel who had woken repeatedly, his mind constantly replaying his experiences on Ne’tu. One experience in particular. And if he didn't find a way to bury those feelings again, this whole little life he’d built for himself over the past few years could come crashing down.

Jack’s tapping faltered when Daniel didn't respond. It was too much to hope that he could fool Jack into thinking he was asleep, but maybe it wasn't too much to ask that Jack respect the _leave me alone_ vibe.

“Daniel,” Jack sing-songed.

Of course it was too much to ask. Daniel lifted his arm just enough to shoot Jack an aggrieved look before dropping it back over his face.

“Come on, didn't you hear me? Let’s get outta here before she changes her mind.” Daniel knew without looking the playfully shifty look Jack was affecting. His respect for Janet knew no bounds, same as everyone in the SGC, but Jack was convinced it helped his hard-ass Colonel image to never be seen to be at ease in the infirmary.

“You go on ahead,” Daniel mumbled.

Jack sighed, obviously disappointed that Daniel wasn't as raring to go as he was, or at least as he was pretending to be. “You gotta get up Daniel. The general wants to see us for debriefing in ninety minutes.”

“I’ll be there.” Daniel heard the dismissal in his tone, and apparently Jack did too. A hesitation followed by the soft scrape of Jack’s boots as he turned and walked away was Daniel’s only answer.

 _Brilliant strategy to salvage our friendship. Drive him away._ Daniel sighed. He could fix this though. Jack finding out that his best friend was in love with him, not so much.

Daniel waited long enough to hear Jack’s footsteps fade before he sat up slowly and swung his legs off the bed. He just needed to give Jack another minute to catch the elevator, then he could be assured of not running into him. Not by chance, anyway.

But Jack didn't appear while Daniel was in his office, checking if anything had been left marked urgent, and he wasn't in the locker room when Daniel ran in for a quick shower pre-debrief, happy to wash the grime and stink of Ne'tu off his skin. Again. The shower last night had been perfunctory at best and Daniel swore he could still smell that awful place.

As he dressed, he nodded to SG-4 as they came in to gear up for a mission. He ignored the way the new kid, Robinson, was staring. The SG-4 lead, Major Grant, was less forgiving and elbowed the kid with a scowl and a hushed, sharp word. Looked like the story was already making the rounds. SG-1 had literally been to hell and back. With a wan smile at the kid, Daniel left the locker room and headed down to level 27.

Daniel stayed quiet during most of the debriefing, letting the others do the talking. He tried not to yawn as he listened to essentially the same reports they’d given Aldwin on the way back to Vorash. He was fading in and out, hearing the words but not really paying much attention, until Teal’c spoke and they got to hear his story in full for the first time.

He suppressed another yawn as Jack threw out some obligatory grousing about the inherent untrustworthiness of the Tok'ra, “Jacob excepted, of course, Carter,” echoed by Teal’c’s rumbling displeased, “Indeed.”

Then they were discussing the Blood of Sokar and their experiences under its influence. Daniel had spent a fair bit of the ride back from Ne'tu, as well as the past hour or so, trying to figure out what he would say. The whole truth was obviously out - _Oh, Jack was trying to seduce me in order to find out where Sha're's child is_ \- but if he could just concentrate on that bizarre conversation in his office at the beginning, he should be all right.

He suddenly realized that there was an air of expectation in the room and glanced around to find the others looking at him. The general had a tolerant smile, Sam and Teal’c shot him looks of commiseration, and Janet wore something between empathy and professional concern. But Jack was observing him too closely, reading something more than fatigue, and Daniel had to regroup before Jack made something out of it.

“Who’d you see?” Jack repeated.

Daniel drew in a deep breath. If he could just get through this, they were bound to get some down time, everyone would scatter to their various relaxation activities and/or planets of choice, and he could go about the business of stuffing these feelings back into the Jack-shaped box in his mind before the next mission.

“You,” he answered, proud at the calm, almost light-hearted tone he took.

Jack’s eyebrows raised. _Tell me._

Unable to look at Jack without flashing back to things he didn't need to think about, he adjusted his gaze to where Janet was sitting across from him, as he spoke.

“It wasn't really a memory,” he mused. “We were talking, and Jack was trying to convince me to tell him where Sha're's child is.”

“Well, Daniel, I guess you really are the smartest of all of us.”

Daniel allowed himself a sidelong peek at Jack, who looked more perturbed than his facetious tone suggested. He was staring hard at Daniel, cataloging his reaction.

“Umm...” Daniel had no idea where Jack was going with this.

“Your mind cooked up a situation where you couldn't possibly end up giving anything away.”

_tell me... so close, he wanted it so much_

“I don’t... What do you mean?”

Jack gave a half-hearted grin, but his eyes were still assessing, logging each reaction. “When have I ever been able to outtalk you?”

Daniel couldn't answer, but it didn't matter as Hammond turned to Janet, asking about the impact of the hallucinogen on the team. Only the smallest trace had been found in Daniel’s blood. Apparently, the substance metabolized extremely quickly, which was good for them; otherwise, Daniel doubted they ever would have made it out of there.

Janet reported that Aldwin's work on Jack’s leg had been satisfactory and that, while no one else had sustained any serious traumatic physical injury, they were all clearly exhausted and recovering from the exposure to Ne'tu's brutal environment. As expected, she recommended some recovery time for all of them. The general cleared them for a week of down time.

And with a scrape of chairs as Jack, Sam, and Janet stood at Hammond’s exit, it was all over except for the write-ups. Daniel crossed his arms on the table where they made a very nice pillow for his head.

He nearly jumped out of his chair when he felt a light touch on his shoulder. He looked around quickly, only to find the room empty except for him and Jack. He hadn't even heard the others leave.

Jack had stepped back a few feet in surprise. “Daniel? You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” At Jack’s disbelieving expression, he added, “Really I am. You just startled me.”

“Didn't realize you were asleep. The rest of us have taken up these fancy new things called beds for that particular activity.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Daniel responded as he began to gather his things. There wasn't much, and it didn't keep him occupied nearly as long as he would like. Jack leaned against the wall and watched him.

“So, I’m heading out. Thought you might wanna come along?”

“Oh, uh, no thanks. I've got some stuff to wrap up here, write up my mission report, you know... I’ll head home after that.”

“You sure? I’m planning to stop at the grocery and get all the fixings for the world’s biggest banana split. Cold, delicious... and did I mention cold?”

“No thanks.” Daniel pasted a smile across his face and waved his hand, gesturing for Jack to go on without him. There was just no way he could go do the post-mission, buddy thing tonight - movies, junk food, and beer - and crashing on Jack’s couch, with him just a couple of rooms away.

Jack looked like he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. With a shrug, he pushed off the wall.

“Okay then. See ya tomorrow.”

“Uh, didn't the general give us some time off?”

“Well, yeah, but I know you’ll be here. And there’s probably some paperwork I should catch up on.”

That pulled a genuine laugh from Daniel. They all knew that Jack’s inbox was perpetually overflowing, despite the fact that he did a lot more paperwork than he would ever admit to. “Probably,” he agreed.

 

Daniel sighed and tucked his fingers beneath his glass to rub at his itchy eyes, thinking longingly of the couch in the corner of his office. He had already tried to go to sleep there twice without any more success than in the infirmary. His dreams were a jumbled mess of Jack and Apophis, memories and fantasies combining, and he woke each time with a sense of horror and a deep yearning for something he couldn't have.

He saved his mission report and sent electronic copies to Hammond and Jack. Unable to deal with what was sure to be a third unsuccessful pass at sleep, he wandered the corridors, showing up at the door of Sam's lab before he remembered that she had gone away with her father. He sighed when he remembered that Teal'c wasn't on base either, having decided to take advantage of their down time to go visit Rya'c.

Daniel doubted that he’d have any better chance getting sleep at home, but at least there he wouldn't have random airmen and marines staring at him as he wandered about in an insomniac haze. He certainly couldn't work in this state. So, he made his way wearily to the locker room where he changed into whatever outfit he had worn in a week ago. Then there was the long elevator ride, the security checkpoints, the parking lot...

He was knocking on Jack's door before he realized that he hadn't gone home.

Oddly, Jack seemed as unsurprised to find Daniel on his doorstep as Daniel was surprised to be found there. “Come on in, pizza’s on its way.”

“Pizza?” Daniel repeated, automatically entering when Jack stepped back from the doorway.

“Yeah, you know: round thing, bread, cheese, sauce. It should be here any minute.” Daniel kept staring at Jack as he closed the door. “Don’t worry, I got half veggie.”

“For me?” Daniel asked.

“Of course for you.” Jack peered at him closely and added, “If you can stay awake, that is.”

Daniel gave a half-nod as he looked back toward the door. He hadn't meant to come here, had wanted to take at least a few days before he had to deal with Jack face to face. But if he left now, it would only make Jack determined to find out what was wrong. Plus the thought of pizza made him realize how hungry he really was. And it was already on its way after all.

“How’d you know I was coming over here?” Daniel shook his head before Jack could answer. That much was pretty obvious; Daniel ended up at Jack’s after rough missions more often than not, and Jack was blessedly unaware of the mental games Apophis had played with Daniel.

“How’d you know when?” he amended.

“I tried to call you at the base. They told me you had just left. So I ordered the pizza.”

Daniel found himself nodding, and nodding, and nodding, still half-turned to go.

“Daniel, have you actually gotten any sleep since we've been back?” Daniel slowly swiveled his head back around to find Jack’s eyes narrowed, and Daniel fought the urge to shield himself as Jack studied him. 

He tried to make his voice as alert as possible when he answered, “Sure, yeah. Some.”

“Of a sustained nature?”

Yeah, Jack didn't miss much, and Daniel couldn't bring himself to outright lie to him.

“I should go. Shouldn't have come over, anyway,” he mumbled, unsurprised when Jack essentially barred the exit with one small movement. And this was a mess: here he was, physically wrung out from the mission, emotionally jumbled, too tired to watch what he said. He leaned back against the wall, eyes closed.

“Why not?” Jack asked quietly.

“Jack, just... don’t.”

Jack took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “All right, no talking. For now. But you’re dead on your feet, and I’m not letting you leave until you've gotten some food and some sleep.”

Next thing Daniel felt was Jack’s hands on his shoulders, guiding him upright, turning him toward the living room. Jack slowly walked him down the steps and pointed him at the couch. “Sit.”

Jack headed back into the hallway and continued through into the kitchen. Daniel sank down on the couch and let his eyes wander. This room, this house, was more familiar to him, more ‘home’ than his own apartment. He needed to be here, and it was that need that made it so dangerous for him to be here. He gave a wry grin at the irony.

Then Jack was back with a glass of water, which Daniel accepted gratefully, and napkins and plates in preparation for the arrival of the pizza, which thankfully arrived before Daniel had to figure out how to make small talk.

After they ate, Daniel relaxed against the couch, let himself close his eyes and just listen to the simple, homey noises of Jack cleaning up, moving around in the kitchen. There was an ache in his chest as he listened to Jack whistling tunelessly as he ran water in the sink. It just confirmed that Apophis’ little game had re-surfaced more than just the physical attraction for Jack; this was the whole nine yards: the life he couldn't have, the friendship he couldn't bear to lose.

He mentally drifted a bit, losing track of Jack’s movements, until he felt the cushions shift as Jack took his seat again.

“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Daniel glanced sideways at Jack, sitting there so casually,he might have just asked about the weather. But the simmering tension that he’d been feeling from Jack all day was now radiating like a neon sign for anyone who knew what to look for. Daniel realized that he was obviously not hiding the depth of his discomfort from Jack. He was trying to come up with some version of the truth that would satisfy Jack’s concern without destroying the friendship that had come to mean so much to him, when Jack spoke up again.

“Look, something’s been bugging since we got back. I read your mission report and there’s nothing in there that would account for you being this ... whatever you are. So, I’m thinking you left something out, and I’d like you to tell me what.”

“You read my report?” Daniel questioned. “I just submitted it a couple of hours ago.”

Jack made a face. “Yeah, well, I may have been waiting for it. I’m concerned about you, Daniel.”

Daniel looked back down at the coffee table. All this concern was just making him feel even worse. Here Jack was doing his best to be the good friend, the responsible team leader, not realizing that his best friend had gone and fallen in love with him, that for a few seconds the fate of the galaxy had hung on how very much Daniel wanted Jack.

“It’s not important,” Daniel finally replied.

“I trust you that it may not be germane to the mission of the SGC, but if it’s got you this tied up, it is important. I can think of a number of things that you might choose to leave out of a report, each a little worse than the next. I take comfort in the fact that Fraiser signed off of your post-mission physical, but I also know that of all of us, you have the best chance of sweet talking your way around certain... things. So, please, stop my nightmares, and just tell me what happened.”

The tension in Jack’s voice was almost painful to listen to. Daniel lifted his head to stare at him straight on, taking in Jack’s tight-set face, worried eyes, the way he seemed braced for the worst news. Daniel’s eyes widened as he started to understand just what it was that was haunting Jack’s nightmares: torture, assault... He shook his head quickly. “God no, Jack. Nothing like that. No. Apophis never touched me. Just... something in my hallucination.”

“Okay, you said that I tried to talk you into giving up the location of Sha're's child.”

“Yeah,” Daniel said slowly. “Uh, we weren't just talking in my office.”

_”You can have everything you want...”_

Jack’s strategically blank expression was knocked aside, and for a few seconds, he looked like he was going to be sick. A knot formed in Daniel’s stomach; he hadn't expected Jack’s reaction to be so intense. Jack wasn't homophobic. He kept his mouth shut in public about gays in the military, because that was his job. But in private, he had expressed more than once his feelings about the crock of shit that was DADT. But Daniel knew that theoretical discussion versus personal experience could produce very different results.

“I... what did I do to you?” Jack was asking.

“Wait. What did _you_ do?”

Jack’s voice was rough as he continued. “Threats? Interrogation? I know you know more than a little about my career before the SGC. More than you’re supposed to. Between that and Apophis’ little cocktail...”

Daniel stared at Jack as his brain tried to catch up.

“Bearing in mind that I couldn't control my behavior in your hallucination, if there’s anything I can say or do anything to make it better...”

“Jack, stop. It wasn't like that.” Daniel interrupted in a rush, trying to relieve Jack of his baseless guilt. “When I said there was no touching, that was... the whole thing, real, hallucination, everything. He just used your voice and your face. We were here, and you were offering me something... something I wanted very much.”

“What the hell could I offer you?”

Daniel was silent. Jack waited. With a sigh, Daniel realized that this was it. He’d obviously botched the whole thing from the very beginning, and the best he could hope for now was to allow Jack some measure of peace that he hadn't somehow traumatized Daniel in absentia. He’d tell Jack the truth, do his best to minimize any discomfort it caused Jack, and submit his request for a transfer to another gate team in the morning. _It could be worse,_ he tried to tell himself.

“Sex.” It was out there now. One word to signify the beginning of the end. Daniel didn't want to look at Jack, but couldn't not look at him. He was still in his deceptively casual slouch against the arm of the sofa, sitting there looking like he was puzzling out a particularly intricate problem.

After a minute, Jack said, “So, I offered to ... if you’d tell me the name of the taxi planet?”

“Taxi planet?” Daniel repeated blankly.

“Cab?” Jack guessed.

“Kheb.”

“Right.”

Daniel couldn't help a brief smile despite the oddness of the whole situation. Jack used these little exchanges for any number of reasons: throwing people off their game, stalling for time, defusing tension.

“But we've never... I mean, that wasn't an actual memory or anything, was it?”

Daniel hesitated, shifting his gaze to stare out the window at the slowly darkening sky. “Not actual as in something that had happened between us. But it was a memory of,” _damn, this was really difficult_ , “a memory of a fantasy I've had.”

Daniel kept waiting for the emotional reaction, but Jack just nodded. “Is this a new thing?” he asked. “I mean, did you just become aware of it recently?”

“No. It’s been a while. I’m not really sure how long. It just kind of developed over time, I guess.”

“Why didn't you say anything?” Still calm, still gathering information.

“I was married.”

He could feel Jack’s unspoken, _“And now?”_

So far, Daniel had been answering Jack’s questions honestly and dispassionately. He owed Jack that much; the inevitable pain and humiliation could wait till later. But it slowly dawned on Daniel that these weren't the type of questions he had been expecting, insofar as he had allowed himself to project this conversation.

“Of course, I didn't say anything. Why would I?”

Jack shrugged, seeming slightly disconcerted.

Stealing Jack’s wording from earlier, Daniel asked, “So, bearing in mind that I've done a hell of a job keeping it under wraps for quite a while now, is there any chance that we can just forget about this and try to go back to how it used to be?”

Jack leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. He was silent for a few minutes, slowly rotating a coaster left on the table, staring at it as it moved under his fingers.

“This fantasy, is it something you... I mean, do you think about when you...” He blew out a frustrated breath.

Daniel cut to the chase, as much to make it easier on Jack as to just get it over with. “Yes, Jack, it’s a masturbatory fantasy.”

Jack stilled, then sat back once more, reclining snugly against the corner of the couch. “So what I think I’m hearing is that, Apophis and psychedelics aside, you would like it if we were to...”

“Yeah,” Daniel answered tiredly. The proverbial nail in the coffin, he was sure.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, Jack, okay?” Daniel snapped. He was tired of games and guesses, and whatever Jack was getting out of this, this was going to have to be enough.

Jack ignored Daniel’s sharp tone and answered almost to himself, “Sweet.”

Daniel shut his eyes. _Sweet_? He had just thrown a - if not a bomb, at the very least a grenade at the carefully constructed facade of their friendship. He had struggled for years to build it and perfect it and protect it. Now, he winced as he waited for it to all come crashing down on him with an angry glare, a strategic retreat, even words - some cruel, some possibly meant to be kind.

What he got was _Sweet_. He would probably be angry if he wasn't so tired.

He risked a look at Jack’s face to find him patiently waiting for Daniel’s mental gymnastics before continuing, “Because I’d kind of like that too.”

Daniel looked back down at the table, resisting the urge to fiddle with the damn coaster himself, rolling Jack’s words around in his mind, thinking about each individually, because to take them as a whole, at face value, was too dangerous. They couldn't possibly mean what Daniel wanted them to mean, so he searched for the hidden values, for the subtle nuance that altered the apparent meaning.

Jack sat silently, not fidgeting, not poking at Daniel. The room was so quiet. Outside, night had finally fallen.

He had spent so long hiding all of this from Jack, sometimes even from himself, especially since Sha're's death. Ironically, it was only after she had died that his feelings toward Jack began to feel like a betrayal. Until that point, Jack had been a comforting distraction, when his dreams of Sha're had failed to overpower the reality of her abduction, but Daniel knew that if he were given the chance, it would be Sha're he would be with.

When her death forced him to confront the depth of his feelings toward Jack, the deep, deep love that grown over the years, that was almost too much to bear. He had felt he should be lost in mourning, unable to love again, not dreaming of a world where his best friend suddenly fell in love with him. He had thrown himself into that ill-fated flirtation with Ke'ra to feel something simply physical, that wouldn't mess with his heart and mind. Of course, that had blown up in his face as well.

He turned toward Jack, who gave him a half-grin, his eyes showing something between trepidation and hope. Daniel looked at him: the brown hair giving way to silver; the face that could equally easily display a battle-hardened warrior or a tender, loyal friend when the situation called for it; long legs and nimble fingers that never failed to spark Daniel’s interest; and the glint of the chain around his neck. Daniel sighed and shook his head.

“You can’t, Jack. It’s too risky.”

Jack shrugged. “You’re right. It would be too risky, if it’s just sex. But then again, I wouldn't have let the conversation go this direction if I thought it was really just about sex for you. It’s about a lot more than that for me. And for that, I’ll take the risk. So, really, it’s up to...”

Jack trailed off as Daniel, decision made as soon as he heard ‘a lot more than that’ began to move, stretching slowly as he neared Jack’s corner of the couch, hovering over him for the space of an intake of breath, then lowering his head, seeing Jack’s eyes flutter closed just before Daniel’s lips brushed across his.

Daniel closed his own eyes and just let himself feel Jack’s mouth moving beneath his own. His lips were softer than Daniel had imagined, and they opened readily to Daniel’s tongue. Then they were tasting each other, tongues meeting and exploring leisurely. This first kiss would not be rushed.

Daniel held himself just above Jack, until Jack’s arms surrounded him, gently pulling until Daniel gave in and spread nearly full-length along the couch, his chest resting atop Jack’s where he could feel the strong beat of Jack’s heart, feel the warmth. He drew back slowly, sliding his tongue along Jack’s lips, laughing when Jack surged forward for a final taste. He finally came to a halt, resting his forehead against Jack’s, stroking Jack’s cheek with one thumb.

“Wow,” Jack breathed.

“Yeah.”

“So, no more talking?”

Daniel tilted his head to the side and gently rubbed their cheeks together, feeling the rasp of stubble and reluctantly pulling back. “Jack, I’ve sat through enough negotiations to know that sometimes you just have to cut to the chase.”

“Chasing?” Jack’s eyes sparkled. “I think we've done enough chasing.”

Daniel nipped at his lips. “There was no chasing. Hide and seek maybe.”

Jack laughed and began another oral exploration, slow and deep, one hand buried in Daniel’s hair, the other insinuating itself beneath his t-shirt, starting long, relaxing strokes along his spine.

“So... bed?” Daniel suggested hopefully when they broke for more oxygen.

Jack narrowed his eyes. “Yes, bed. For sleep,” he directed, softening the rejection by running his hand down Daniel’s back and cupping his butt through his jeans. With a soft squeeze, he clarified, “For now.”

As they made their way to the bedroom, Daniel contemplated ways to convince Jack to delay sleep in favor of expanding on their previous activities. However, a couple of stumbles along the short hallway told Daniel he wasn't going to get much traction on that idea. And the pleased sigh that escaped when he saw Jack’s big, soft bed didn't help his case much. Jack just chuckled and nudged him toward the bed.

Daniel turned, feeling suddenly unsure. “You’re... are you joining me?”

Jack’s smile warmed Daniel all over. He reached out and pulled Daniel back toward him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. “I’m just going to make sure everything’s closed up. I’ll be back in a few.”

Daniel raised a hand to Jack’s neck, holding him in the kiss for a minute, deepening it, gently opening Jack’s lips beneath his own. Jack’s hands were clutching at the back of his shirt and he moaned quietly into Daniel’s mouth. “Couple minutes...” Daniel sucked Jack’s tongue into his mouth, caressing it with his own before releasing it. “... one minute, I swear,” Jack said against Daniel’s lips.

With a smirk, Daniel let him go. Then he stripped down and slid beneath the covers, every muscle grateful as they relaxed. Jack may have been more than a minute getting back, but Daniel had fallen into a light doze almost as soon as he’d arranged the pillow to his satisfaction, so he really couldn't be sure.

The next thing he knew, Jack was pulling him close, and he could feel the whole length of Jack’s bare body against his, fitting perfectly at every point. Daniel pushed a knee forward. Jack lifted his thigh, letting Daniel get comfortable, then dropped it back to rest on top of Daniel’s. With a contented hum. Daniel tilted his head to meet Jack’s mouth for a long, slow, sloppy kiss. He pressed his whole body closer to Jack, trying to eliminate any space between them, feeling the warm tingle extend down from his lips and tongue through his skin, his breath, down to where his cock was nestled warmly between them.

He was so glad that Jack liked kissing as much as he did. If Jack’s continuing and enthusiastic participation hadn't told him that, then the slight movement he could feel against his thigh did.

Still not opening his eyes, he murmured, “You sure you don’t want to?”

Jack’s breath against his cheek was deep and steady, even though Daniel could feel his heartbeat speed up. “This is exactly what I want, Daniel. Besides, I’m just guessing here, but I think that the sex will be even better when we’re both awake.”

“Mmmm,” Daniel agreed and went back to the kissing, falling asleep between one breath and the next.

 

Daniel woke slowly, enjoying the blissful warmth surrounding him. They had moved during the night, but managed to maintain some sort physical connection at all times. Their legs were currently twined together, Jack’s calf hooked behind Daniel’s, although Jack’s torso was angled back away from him. Daniel opened his eyes to find Jack lying there, watching him with a tender expression. Daniel half expected Jack to blank it out once he saw Daniel’s eyes open, but he didn't. He just smiled and said good morning and offered Daniel first chance at the shower.

Daniel stumbled to the shower almost on autopilot, already under the water before he realized that he’d expected to wake up to sex. For a fleeting moment, he was afraid that Jack had changed his mind, but the memory of that tender smile reassured him. Daniel grinned. Jack probably had some crazy idea that the sex would be better if they weren't hungry, too.

The smell of coffee greeted Daniel when he exited the bathroom. He pulled on a pair of Jack’s old sweatpants and followed the heavenly scent to the kitchen where Jack was busily moving food from the stove to plates.

Jack looked over when Daniel entered and let his eyes linger on Daniel’s bare chest and the way the sweats hung low on his hips. Daniel felt caught between the urge to cover himself from Jack’s very hungry gaze or put himself on display. But Jack turned away first, grabbing a mug of coffee which he pressed into Daniel’s hands.

“If you can get this stuff into the dining room, I’m going to grab a quick shower,” he said.

Everyone on the team knew how to take a quick shower, when the situation called for it, but no one could beat Jack. About seven minutes later, he was seated at the table, clean, shaved, and dressed, and digging into a plate full of eggs, sausage, and toast.

It almost could have been any normal breakfast after any normal night where Daniel had fallen asleep on Jack’s couch. There was minimal talking at the beginning, mainly consultations about who was reading which section of the paper first, which gave way to comments and jokes about the news stories they were reading as the food and coffee slowly filtered into their systems.

But it wasn't _quite_ normal, Daniel mused, as he felt the electric tingle where Jack’s hand had brushed his while passing the butter. Or the way Jack’s eyes darkened a little later, when Daniel had slowly licked his own lips clean once he was finished eating.

 _This could be normal,_ Daniel thought, reflecting that one day they might be so used to each other that they could sit through breakfast together without these little currents of arousal arcing back and forth between them. But today, with the promise of what was going to be happening very soon...

Daniel barely suppressed a moan when he felt Jack’s foot slowly stroke his. He looked at Jack, at his unspoken question, at his desire, and said, “Yes.”

 

It was if Daniel’s one word affirmation had flipped a switch and suddenly, the simmering arousal that had been his constant companion since waking blossomed into full-blown need. Jack’s hands and lips seemed to be everywhere, mapping every inch of Daniel’s exposed skin, creating waves of pleasure that rippled out and back again, and Daniel had no idea how they’d made it into the hallway. But he could see the door to Jack’s bedroom just a few feet away.

Jack’s teeth closed gently over a particularly sensitive spot on Daniel’s neck. He saw stars as a spike of arousal flew straight down, causing his already erect cock to get impossibly harder. With a groan that was closer to a growl, Daniel fell back against the wall, pulling Jack toward him, pushing him down, down, hands on shoulders, need and want and “Need your mouth” gasping, nearly crying. Then Jack was yanking the sweats down, and Daniel’s cock sprang forward, yearning, searching, finding home as the hot, wet warmth of Jack’s mouth engulfed him in one movement.

“Yes, yes, God, yes,” Daniel chanted as Jack quickly found the perfect rhythm, his lips sliding firmly up and down Daniel’s shaft, his tongue curling and teasing the head of Daniel’s cock, lapping up the pre-come as he pulled back, mixing it with saliva and spreading it back across Daniel. His balls tingled, pulling up tightly, and Daniel realized he could feel Jack’s fingers, those beautiful, graceful fingers were touching him, so gently, stroking the sensitive skin, tracing his testicles, learning each reaction through touch.

Jack’s other hand was busy too, stroking up and down the cleft of Daniel’s ass, slipping deeper between his cheeks each time, till he found the hole. Daniel’s words lost coherency as Jack finger slowly circled, never penetrating, just giving the slightest pressure where Daniel wanted so much more. Daniel pressed back, trying to force the pressure, the penetration, but Jack wouldn't let him. He pulled off Daniel’s cock long enough to gasp, “No lube,” before sucking him down again, but exchanged fingertip for knuckle, and the increase in the area of pressure sent the first contractions through Daniel’s balls.

“Ja.. Jahh.... ahhh....” Daniel heard himself make a noise he didn't think he’d ever heard before as he poured himself down Jack’s throat. For a split second, Daniel knew only the sounds of his own voice echoing in the hallway and Jack’s gulping swallows, the shudder of the wall behind him as his palms slapped against it, the surging heat spiraling through his ass, his balls, building through each pulse in his cock to the pinpoint of ecstasy that was Jack’s mouth on him.

Daniel leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. At some point, Jack’s hands had shifted and were now resting on Daniel’s hips, helping to hold him up. Daniel lifted one of his own shaking hands toward Jack, still kneeling on the hard wood floor.

“I’d help you up...” he half-offered.

Jack grinned up at him. “I've got it, thanks.” He slowly maneuvered himself to standing, taking time to drop soft kisses all along Daniel’s torso on the way. Locking his arms around Daniel, he pulled him into a deep kiss, tongue flicking out to delve past Daniel’s lips. Daniel tasted himself on Jack and groaned, hungrily sucking every bit from Jack’s tongue and then fighting his way into Jack’s mouth, looking for more. _His_ come in _Jack’s_ mouth. The very thought made his spent dick twitch,

Jack’s moans were deeper, more urgent as Daniel continued ravaging his mouth, and Daniel became aware of the heat and pressure of Jack’s very, _very_ hard cock trapped between them. He pushed on Jack’s shoulders, urging him toward the bedroom, taking a minute to step out of the sweatpants pooled around his ankles before he tripped.

In the bedroom, Jack was already stripping his clothes off, and Daniel’s breath caught in his throat as the morning sun creeping around the curtains illuminated the easy ripple of muscle in Jack’s back and the gentle curve of his ass. Daniel’s near whimper had Jack turning, one eyebrow raised in question.

“It’s just... I can really look now,” Daniel answered, letting his eyes sweep up and down Jack’s body. “And you are so damn beautiful.” He hesitated, worrying that he should have found another word, something more suitable to the uber-masculine environment Jack had been steeped in for decades. But the surprised smile on Jack’s face said it all.

Daniel moved in close to Jack, reaching out and petting the soft hair on Jack’s chest. Years now, he’d wondered what it would feel like. Jack’s eyes closed, and his head fell back. Daniel moved one hand to stroke Jack’s strong back, feeling the tension there, cataloging what was arousal and what he’d need to come back to later with massage oils. He lowered his head to run his tongue along the tendons of Jack’s neck, while gently playing with a very responsive nipple with his free hand.

Jack’s hips thrust forward, and his breath stuttered. “Daniel,” he panted.

As much as Daniel wanted to take his time and explore Jack from head to toe and back again, this wasn't the time to tease. He sidestepped Jack and opened the drawer of the bedside table. There was a bottle of lube in easy reach, but the condoms were buried at the back of the drawer, and Daniel had the sudden urge to check if the expiration date was even in the same decade.

He turned back around to find Jack standing in the same spot, staring fascinated at the objects in his hands. Daniel sat down and scootched into the center of the bed, leaving the lube and the condom on the pillow. “I don’t know if it’s something you do, Jack, but I really, really want you to fuck me.”

Daniel waited through an interminable moment of silence. He could have misread Jack’s level of experience, he could have hit Jack’s not-in-a-million-years activity, he could have just driven home that Jack was engaging in an illicit sexual liaison with a team member. Or...

Jack’s choked, “Oh god,” was almost lost in his scramble to the bed, then he was crawling - stalking - up the bed. His eyes, fixed on Daniel’s, were practically black, as he grabbed the lube without looking, flipped open the top, and poured a generous amount over his fingers, letting the excess drip down onto Daniel’s balls and perineum.

His fingers were massaging the area around Daniel’s asshole, one working its way easily in. “How much prep?” Jack’s voice was tight, each word carefully enunciated through a haze of desire.

Daniel shook his head and pressed himself down onto Jack’s finger. “Don’t need much,” he breathed, letting his head fall back to the pillow as he registered the sensation. The first time since grad school that he’d had anyone’s fingers inside him other than his own.

Jack pulled back and re-lubed, before twisting two fingers in, his eyes closed tightly. Daniel could feel his hand shaking. He swiveled his hips, hoping to drive the point home, that he was ready whenever Jack was. Jack groaned as Daniel slowly and deliberately clenched willing muscle around Jack’s fingers.

Daniel grabbed the condom and tore the wrapper open, as Jack carefully withdrew his fingers. He sat up to roll the condom over Jack’s erection, following it with a generous coating of lube from the bottle Jack handed him. His own hands were shaking with anticipation. “Position?” he inquired, as he ran knuckles down the latex-covered penis one last time.

Jack shrugged. “Whatever’s good for you,” he replied.

“Just like this. I want to see you.” Daniel grabbed a pillow and quickly propped his hips up, then settled back, lifting his legs easily, pulling them back against his chest. He groaned as he watched Jack center himself between his legs, and felt the head of Jack’s cock begin to press slowly against him.

The burn, the pressure, the sense of fullness was nearly overwhelming as he took Jack into himself. Above him, Jack cursed softly as he stilled halfway in, panting, trying to hold back his orgasm. Daniel lay still as Jack worked himself the rest of the way in, not wanting to push him too quickly. Finally, Jack’s groin was flush with Daniel’s ass. Daniel couldn't help a softly uttered, “yes,” as his body adjusted to Jack’s presence, molded around him. _Nothing had ever felt this right,_ he thought, as Jack pressed a kiss to his lips and began to move.

Jack fucked smoothly, fluidly, pulling replacing pushing over and over, till the movements were creating a cloud of sensation that took over all thought. Daniel was fairly sure that he wasn't going to come again, not this soon, but he could feel warm tingles of arousal all over his body. Jack rested his cheek against Daniel’s, and each thrust of his pelvis was echoed with a warm puff of breath against Daniel’s face.

Daniel slowly let go of one leg, allowing Jack’s weight to hold it, and ran his hand along Jack’s skin. Beads of sweat were forming on his back, his neck, and dripping forward. Reaching down, Daniel could feel the muscles at Jack’s waist as they contracted and relaxed, and he pivoted and thrust, and god, the man was a master at sex. Daniel was quite content to stay right here for the rest of life, or at least however long Jack could stave off his orgasm.

A shudder played through Jack’s muscles, and his breath hitched. He pushed in deeply and held there. He pulled back just far enough to look at Daniel, one hand cupping his cheek tenderly. “I’m close, Daniel. Tell me what I can do for you.”

_Tell me... Tell me..._

Daniel froze. It seemed that Jack’s face flickered, the words echoing as he searched for some handle on reality. He scrunched his eyes tightly closed. _No, no._

“Daniel?” Jack’s voice sounded so concerned, almost afraid. His heart beat wildly, his breath hitting Daniel’s face and neck in sharp bursts, yet his body was stilled to the point of stone.

Daniel forced himself to answer. They were home, they were safe. He knew that; he just couldn't seem to believe it. “That’s what you... what he said.”

There was silence, and then Daniel felt Jack’s hand cup his cheek, felt his thumb stroke gently along his cheekbone. Jack nuzzled into his neck, and when he spoke, his words were soft and quiet; Daniel heard them almost as much through the shape of Jack’s lips on his skin as through the sound carried in the air.

“It’s just us here, Daniel. Just you and me.”

Jack moved his hand down to Daniel’s chest, petting short, strong strokes along his pectoral and on down his side. At the same time, he alternated pressing kisses against Daniel’s neck with gentle nips and soft sucking, raising goosebumps along Daniel’s skin. Jack lowered himself just a bit; Daniel could feel Jack’s weight against his legs, his body heat trapped between them.

 _”No touching... just used your voice.”_ That’s what he’d told Jack. So Jack was doing what the illusion never had, and what Jack had always excelled at: talking to him via touch.

Daniel smiled and turned his head to nuzzle back against the warm, real, living Jack. “Jack,” he said quietly, relaxing, believing. This was now, here, real.

Jack heard Daniel’s acknowledgement and experimentally moved his hips. His erection had faded somewhat in the face of the unscheduled flashback, but he was still hard enough to send a cascade of sparks through Daniel as he moved. Daniel moaned, and Jack came back to fully hard. The increased pressure caused Daniel’s moan to extend, lower in pitch, _ohgodyes_ as he felt his own cock filling again.

Jack’s cut off his own answering groan by sealing their mouths together, fucking Daniel with tongue and cock in concert. Daniel’s hands scrabbled over Jack’s sweaty back, finally finding some purchase, and he held him tightly, breathing in Jack’s increasingly frantic moans. The smooth thrusts grew erratic.

“So close, Daniel,” Jack panted, struggling to maintain the gentle pace he’d set up. “I need... uuunnnhhh.... need...”

Daniel look at Jack, at his carefully controlled pace, at his straining muscles, and dug his fingers into his back. “Take me, hard as you need, hard as you want. Take me, Jack.” And he stretched up to firmly bite down at the base of Jack’s neck.

“Fuuuhhhh....” Jack growled, and pulled his hips back, slammed in, still controlled, but hard and fast and primal. Daniel panted, lying open under him, a jolt of lust running through him each time Jack hit home. Jack was just as open to him right now, discarding the tightly-controlled facade of the colonel, the gentle caring of the friend and lover, and trusting Daniel to let him take what he needed without letting him hurt him.

A few more thrusts and Jack ground in as far as he could get and stilled, eyes shut tight in a pain-pleasure wince, mouth open in a soundless gasp as he pulsed in Daniel’s ass. The sheer erotic beauty of it all finished Daniel off as well, and he came with Jack’s name on his lips, Jack’s hard cock still inside him, and nothing had ever been better.

~ends~


End file.
